Relationships - Dating

Relationships - Dating » How & WHen to date?

Question:

Answered on 05/03/06:

If you feel that you have some interest in somebody in particular, then go to a friend maybe. Suggest to them, “Hey, could you just go and ask that guy if he has any interest?” Maybe that’s a way that you could do it. There really are no exact, absolute rules. I think there are a lot of different ways to do it. I think that if you carry yourself with holiness and dignity, then it’s okay to ask a friend to go on your behalf to see if that person has any interest in getting to know you, maybe in a group setting or even over some coffee or something like that.

I think there are a lot of healthy ways, depending on how old somebody is. For my kids, when they’re ready to date and I feel they’re ready to date, then we’re going to have them bring their date home to our house. That’s where they can have their date. We’ll have a family date with that person and we’ll find out what that person’s like. It won’t take long to figure it out.

In your case, as a single woman, who is mature enough to make decisions for yourself, go to group events and develop relationships that way. If you feel that there’s somebody that you are interested in, then ask a friend to inquire politely, in a non-threatening way and not in a way that you have to be vulnerable. Have them ask that person if they have any interest. Remember, carry yourself with honor and dignity and know that men are looking for godly women who love God and are submissive to God and carry themselves in the best way that they possibly can. So, take care of yourself.

Trust God. Make God your date until the time that the right guy truly shows up. If He never does, then enjoy your relationship with God because it’s the best relationship that you’ll ever have.

Question:

Answered on 05/03/06:

The fact is that it’s not necessarily a bad place to start but don’t put your trust in it. Put your trust in God and examine the situation and examine the person and perhaps go out with that person on a group date. If you go out with that person by yourself, that’s okay, but just remember that they’re going to be putting their best foot forward. You’re going to have to take some time and not just trust the questionnaire on the dating service. You’re going to have to watch their life and interview some people that know them. That’s how I would handle that.

Question:

Answered on 05/03/06:

The dating system of this world is broken and failing. It contributes to at least fifty percent of all marriages ending up in a divorce; not to mention all the broken hearts. So I can never endorse the dating system this world operates under. It doesn’t have any good evidence. It doesn’t have any good fruit. It doesn’t merit anybody’s endorsement. If you bought a television that only worked half the time, you would wonder about the company that makes that television and you wouldn’t buy that television anymore.

Dating fails at least half of the time, and therefore it’s a flawed system. There are better ways of developing wholesome, healthy relationships between mature men and mature women. I don’t encourage all that dating stuff and proms and dances, unless, again, it’s in a group-dating together and it’s chaperoned by mature adults who can give input and can be there the whole time in that situation.

My answer applies to whether you know the boy or not. You’d be crazy if you didn’t know the boy, first of all. But just knowing the boy doesn’t make dating any better, or make it right. I’m not trying to pass a law on people, but that’s just my personal conviction.

Question:

Answered on 05/02/06:

The practice of dating in our society is really the practice of divorce. When people date, they usually end up breaking up. So they’re learning how to start a relationship and break up a relationship when they don’t like each other anymore. That’s why dating is inappropriate at just about any level.

Now, how do you get to meet people? You meet people through groups; you meet people in church, in single’s events, in youth events. You do things with groups of people and you identify what a person is like. And then if you feel like it’s the right thing to pursue that relationship, then you should have that person over with your family members and have your parents meet him/her. Schedule events with that person with people you trust and other family members. That’s the most appropriate way to be in a “dating” relationship.

This whole idea of getting into a dating relationship and then breaking up when you feel you’re not compatible is learning a habit of breaking up and divorce. When you get married, you’ll end up doing the same thing. When you get to that same point as in all your previous relationships when you don’t like each other or you’re unhappy with something, then you’re going to go ahead and do what you’ve learned, and that is you’ve practiced breaking up.

I don’t encourage dating in general. I encourage group activities and developing relationships that way. And if you are going to go “steady” with somebody in a sense, it should be in settings where your family members and loved ones are there. Why do you want to be alone with that person anyway when you’re not married to them? It only leads to temptation.

If you’re going to go out to a movie, go with some other people. If you’re going to go out to eat, go with some other people. Bring them over to meet your grandparents, your aunts and uncles and cousins. That’s what creates a positive family environment. Sometimes we’re blind. Sometimes we only see what we want to see. Our relatives, friends and people we trust are going to point out – hey this guy is just after one thing – it’s obvious.

Question:

I attend a church that disapproves of dating. What’s your viewpoint was on dating? Is it OK?

Answered on 05/02/06:

However, if you’re going to date, you need to date with biblical parameters – meaning, you’re not alone by yourselves at all because you don’t want to put yourself in a tempting situation. The Bible says, “Flee from even the appearance of evil.” It doesn’t just say “Flee from evil.”

My first date with my wife was the day that I proposed to her. Now, I know that sounds radical, even crazy, but we knew each other. We went out together with groups. We were at events together. We were at leadership meetings together. We were at dinners together with other people. From that point on we dated for seven months before we got married, but it was more of a courtship.

I believe in courtships. Gentlemen, you shouldn’t be spending your money on somebody who is not a candidate to be your wife. And, ladies, don’t spend your time with a man who’s not a candidate to be your husband. If I was a woman, I wouldn’t date anyone who didn’t have good job. I wouldn’t date anyone who wasn’t living holy. I wouldn’t date anybody who’s not accountable in the church and growing as a believer. I would require all those things before I dated anybody. And I would recommend using chaperones. I’m going to be chaperoning my children whenever they start dating.

So, we need some really strong boundaries – and standards – that will restrain us and protect us from getting ourselves into a compromising situation. And that’s why I believe group dating is really the best scenario. Go out to singles events. Get involved in some group dating. Get a married couple and say, “Hey, can you go out with us? I want to treat this young lady to a dinner, but I really would like to have some other people with us.”

Question:

How do I, as a single woman, discern the difference between normal, cordial male interaction and someone actually having a genuine interest in me?

Answered on 05/02/06:

If I were that single man and you were that single woman and we were in a group setting, doing things together as friends with other people, I would make sure that I didn’t send the wrong message. As a man, I’ve got to make sure that I don’t defraud you by leading you to believe something that isn’t really true. I’ve got to be cautious enough not to send the wrong message to you, so I would send a message through a friend or confidant or some other third party and say, “Would you let her know that I really have interest? If she’s ever interested, I’d love to . . .”

Relationships Dating » Is this My Spouse?

Question:

Answered on 05/03/06:

Is there a perfect choice out there? I don’t know. There are good choices and then there are bad choices and then there is the best of the good and you decide what that is. Is this person grounded in faith? Is this person grounded in their relationship with God? Is this person grounded emotionally? Financially?

If they’re sound and grounded in those areas, then they become a candidate to be that person. Then if they have common interests with you and have common visions and dreams and goals, then it’s all the more to reinforce if this is God’s will for your life. You can be in the will of God marrying a number of different people; not all of them at the same time, obviously-you’ve got to be married to one person.

You have decide if this is the best person for you based on the things that you desire and the things you believe God has shown you. Your spirit will know, your heart will know, your emotions will know, your family members will know, and that person will feel the same way about you as you do about them. You add up all those things and you’re going to be fine.

Question:

I’ve been in a relationship for a year. I know that you always preach about a man having substance and that there is a certain role that he needs to play during courtship. In the year that I’ve been in this relationship, I just don’t feel that there is any substance. Is there is any Scripture in the Bible to give me some guidelines? I just don’t feel that I’m very good at this, but the Spirit tells me that after a year I need to get out of this one.

Answered on 05/03/06:

As far as your future, I believe that there are several characteristics to look for in a person and see things developed in a person if you are going to court them and if they are going to court you:

1. He needs to be rooted and grounded in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

2. He needs to be rooted and grounded in the Word of God. Ask him what Scriptures he’s been reading and meditating on. Know where he is with his daily walk

3. He needs to be rooted and grounded in a church. Does he serve in that church? Does he have a servant’s attitude? Is he plugged in? Psalm 92:13 says that you will flourish when you are planted in the house of the Lord.

4. He needs to be rooted and grounded in love. In other words, when pressure is on him, what is his character like? Does he get mad and upset and lose his temper?

5. He needs to be grounded financially. Is he handling his money right? Does he take care of his bills? Is he honest and truthful?

6. He needs to be grounded emotionally. An unstable person is not somebody that you want to live with. You want a man with backbone . . . a man who knows his God and makes decisions and sticks to his word. The Bible says is James 1:8 that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.

Men like this exist – they really do! You keep plugging in and standing on that Word, and I just agree with you right now for a man of God to come into your life who will be grounded in these things. In Jesus’ name.

Question:

I am attracted to someone at church and I believe it’s mutual. I know that I am to wait on God for a spouse, but how do I know whether it’s this man in particular?

Answered on 05/03/06:

You also have a witness in your heart and in your spirit to know whether something is of God or not. The Bible says in Romans 8:14 that “those who are led by the Spirit have an inner witness; they are sons of God.” So if there is peace in your heart, then that is a good sign that a relationship with this man is of God. If he is living by the Word of God, then that is a good sign. If he is accountable to godly men, that is a good sign. If he is supportive of you fulfilling God’s purpose in your own life and he’s able to provide for you, then that is a good sign.

The main thing is if you are mature and he’s mature, you’ll discover whether a relationship is true during a period of courtship. If, in the end, you both feel that the relationship is not producing a good harvest, you should move on.

Question:

Answered on 05/03/06:

It’s like baptism. To me, tithing is like baptism. If you don’t know about it, then God’s not going to hold you responsible for it. Once you know about it, there should be a desire in your heart to want to do it. It should be an automatic response. I’m saved. God loves me. God forgave me. Why would I want to hold anything back from him?

Jesus said you know the tree by the fruit it produces. So, I would evaluate the fruit. I would inspect the fruit in this person’s life. Not just with tithing, but is he reading his Bible? Is he growing? Is his mind or his thinking changing? Is his thinking starting to line up with God’s Word? That’s what I would look for. I would also ask some other people about him. The people he works with, his relatives, the people that know him best, do they see fruit in his life? Sometimes you can be subjective and you’re not objective because you want it to work out with him. You shouldn’t want it to work out if he’s not going to truly serve the Lord.

And when in doubt, you should not marry somebody that you’re not absolutely sure will serve God. It doesn’t come by them just telling you. They have to demonstrate it. Until he demonstrates that, you should hold off the marriage.

Question:

Answered on 05/03/06:

Step two is to look at the person that you’re considering choosing to be your spouse and ask yourself if this person is grounded in the Word of God. Are they grounded in Christianity? Are they grounded in love? Are they grounded in serving God? Do they have a healthy relationship with God? These are some of the questions that need to be asked and that you need to make sure are evident in their life.

A person who is a potential spouse for you has to be rooted and grounded in a church, rooted and grounded financially, rooted and grounded emotionally and rooted and grounded in their relationship with Jesus Christ. If they are, then that’s step two. That’s the second assurance that you can have that this person is of God.

And thirdly, do you get along? Do you have common values? Do you have common interests? When you get together, do you argue, do you bicker? Is it holy? Is there a respect, a mutual respect for one another? And a respect for one another’s destiny and the purpose that God has for each of you.

You have the Holy Spirit living inside of you. If you’re a Christian, if you’re born again, the Holy Spirit lives inside of you and He’ll give you a peace in your heart about this person. They’ll feel the same way about you and there will be a peace.

I’d also get counsel from your parents and see if they bear witness; if they have a sense of confidence that this is of God. I’d also get counsel from the leaders of your church and ask them to pray with you as well. Get your parents to pray with you and get your pastors to pray with you.

With all that in mind, I believe that you’ll know clearly if it’s of the will of God. I hope you’ll follow those steps and follow those principles.

Question:

Answered on 04/20/06:

No, you shouldn’t be with a man who is pursuing Free Masonry. From the studies I have seen, it is a cultic practice and is anti-Christian. It may have started as a Christian group, but it certainly doesn’t practice Christianity.

I think when we are committed to anything more than we are committed to God and Christianity, then it becomes idolatrous and something that will take us away from God. That’s what caused Solomon to fail in life. He was involved with this woman who stole his heart away from God. So no, don’t be involved with someone who spends more time in something other than Christianity and the kingdom of God.

Question:

I have met a child of God through a Christian website. We are planning to get married. Is this Scriptural?

Answered on 04/14/06:

Those are more of the questions that you should be asking, rather than was wrong or right to meet him on a Christian website. The real issue is if he going to live by the principles of God’s Word. And are you going to live by the principles of God’s Word? And if you are, then it certainly has the makings of success. But if he’s not serving God, or you’re not serving God, you’re going to have a problem there. So don’t focus on how you met, focus on how you live. And how he lives.

Question:

Answered on 04/12/06:

I think you can maintain a friendship with this man who is a Muslim, but at some point, if a Christian and a Muslim person get married, there’s going to be nothing but conflicts if he truly is a Muslim. And it’s not that he’s Muslim, it’s that anybody that doesn’t believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and risen from the dead and confesses Jesus as his savior, is an unbeliever. And therefore, it’s inappropriate for a believer to marry an unbeliever and you’ll only have problems in this marriage if you do.

I’m blessed that he would be respectful enough of me that he would want you to continue to go to our church, but I’m concerned that if you break a spiritual principle from God’s Word, that you’re going to have negative consequences. And that would be more of my concern. If you marry somebody who’s not a Christian, you’re going to have a more difficult time.

Now having said that, just because somebody’s a Christian doesn’t guarantee that you’re going to have a successful marriage. They’ve got to live the Christian life if you’re going to have a successful marriage, and you have to live it as well. I hope that helps and feel free to email us again.

Relationships - Dating » Living Together

Question:

Answered on 05/03/06:

It says let the marriage bed be undefiled, so anything outside of marriage, any living arrangement outside of marriage between a man and a woman is defiling the marriage bed. That is in Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4.

Relationships - Dating » Unequally Yoked

Question:

I know a person whose daughter is dating an unbeliever. They are pretty much okay with it because they are trying to win the unbeliever to the Lord. If they stopped dating, maybe that guy won’t become saved then. What do you think about this?

Answered on 05/03/06:

That father should know better than that. He shouldn’t be using his daughter as bait to win somebody to the Lord. She’s not a worm that you use to put out to be eaten and devoured by the sensuality and sexual pleasures of a man or the lust of a man just so we can win that man to the Lord. No. He needs to honor his daughter a lot better than that.

That’s God’s job to save this unbelieving man, not ours. It’s the Lord who saves. That father is not responsible for that man getting saved. He is responsible to share his faith with that man and that’s the end of it. He then should turn it over to the hands of God. That father is responsible to protect his daughter from this man, who is probably a young wolf. He needs to protect her from that. You should encourage him in that way.

Question:

Answered on 05/03/06:

Clearly the Bible teaches that you’re not to be yoked together with an unbeliever. So a girl in this situation needs to not get emotionally entangled with a man who is not on fire for God and truly serving God with all his heart, mind, soul and strength. Better to be single than to violate one of God’s principles, and one of his principles according to 1 Corinthians 7 and 2 Corinthians 4 is to not be married to an unbeliever.

So I wouldn’t pursue that relationship any further. I would be firm with him on the point of “Look, if I’m going to be involved with somebody at all, it’s got to be somebody that I’m going to consider marrying and I’m not going to consider marrying somebody who’s really not serving God.” So give him the space to get his life together and really decide if he wants to follow Jesus because you can’t be the reason for him to follow the Lord. It has to be because he truly wants to follow the Lord.

If he truly does follow God and become a believer, then move forward in the relationship with some biblical counseling. Make an appointment with somebody in your church where you can really get some godly counsel and move forward. But don’t move forward until he’s really serving God, and you guys have that in common.

Relationships - Dating» General

Question:

Answered on 06/29/06:

So, the principle there is Luke chapter 14. Jesus said if you build a tower, first sit down and calculate the cost to see if you have enough to complete the tower. That’s what the Bible says to do. That’s what I encourage you to do. Make sure you have enough wherewithal, patience, strength, stamina, willingness to go through.

I mean if it’s a man marrying an older woman, you’ve got to realize that she’s going to age differently than you. If it’s a woman marrying an older man, you’ve got to realize that he might have you for a while and then think, “Well, okay, I used her up” and then want to move on to somebody else.

You’ve got to really make sure that if time has passed that you really have asked the serious questions, the important questions of each other, you’ve looked at each other’s history – family history, job history, life history – and really see for yourselves that this is the right person for you.

But I wouldn’t recommend people marry somebody where there’s more than 10 or 15 years difference. I know that there are people that have married people where there is 20 years difference or more, but that’s rare and that doesn’t always work. I would try to keep it close in age because for intellectual reasons and common interests. When you get older and you’re interested in bowling and shuffleboard and that person is interested in hiking and you’re not – not that you should ever grow so old that you can’t do fun things. But you just got to make sure your interests are going to be like-minded. So, I hope that helps.

Question:

Answered on 05/02/06:

There’s nothing wrong with asking that question at some point. If I were you, I’d probably do it over the phone rather than in person because you don’t want him to feel uncomfortable and feel like he’s got to look down or look around and not look at you. Ask him on the phone at some point when you feel that the time is right. You don’t even need to be in a rush to do that.

Platonic relationships usually don’t stay that way for very long. Something will move your heart closer or his heart closer or move your heart away. If your heart is moving closer to him, then you need to evaluate where he’s at and ask him where’s he’s at. Don’t tell him what you feel yet. But ask him, “Hey do you have a vision for this relationship beyond what it is? I just to want to know how to respond and how to react to you.” That’s what you should probably suggest.

I think that you should guard yourself in any relationship with somebody of the opposite sex and not be alone with that person very much, if at all, because it can lead to things that will hurt you later. I think that now is a good time to address the issue over the phone at some point quickly, but very cautiously and gracefully. You’re not giving your heart away. Don’t give your heart away to him. Not yet.

Question:

Answered on 05/02/06:

Can one person save a relationship? Yes. However, if you are entering a marriage where both people are not truly excited about it and have truly prepared themselves for it, then it’s never going to work.

So, I wouldn’t pursue it. I would sit down with her and say, “If you have objections to us being married since we’ve been dating for over 6 years now, then let’s talk about those. Let’s find out if they’re objections that can be overcome or if they’re objections that cannot be overcome.” It really all boils down to that. Can they be overcome or can they not be?

Only you’ll know that when she tells you what those objections truly are. If you can’t have an open conversation with her like that, then there’s no sense in perpetuating the relationship any more anyway.

Question:

Answered on 05/02/06:

Just say it. “I don’t think I’m better than you. I don’t think I’m more important than you. I don’t think I’m holier than you. But my life is going in a certain direction with the Lord and I just want to be in a relationship with somebody whose heart is going in the same direction with the Lord. I’m moving in a direction with Jesus that I cannot compromise or bend. If you would like to know that Jesus that I know, then that just makes things so much better and so much easier for me because I really, at this time, cannot be in a relationship with somebody that’s not serving the Lord.” That’s what I would do. I’d be honest with him.

Question:

I’m middle-aged and waiting for God to bring me a companion who will then be my husband. What am I supposed to be doing, if anything, while I wait? Why am I not meeting anyone?

Answered on 04/28/06:

Yet, at the same time, you need to surround yourself with like-minded people who hold to the same standards that you hold to. That is not easy to find. You’ve got to get into a church with good people. That doesn’t mean they are necessarily somebody you should date, but you’ve got to get involved with small groups or other environments that foster healthy relationships.

I’m not saying to be involved just to find a husband. Start by meeting people and having healthy relationships in general. God wants relationships like that for you. Can God bring somebody to you without you doing anything? Yes. But there is nothing wrong in going and meeting people.

I would encourage you not to be angry. Cast your cares upon the Lord. Trust that He will bring the right person at the right time. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Sometimes we try to add them ourselves and we get discouraged and we fail.

Remember: Don’t compare yourself to other people because when we compare ourselves to others we are without understanding. Be prepared to be single and live the fullness of life with being single, and then ask God to bring that person to you at the right time.

Question:

I was saved a year and a half ago. I’m single and I met someone but I don’t know if she has faith. I think she doesn’t just by the way it has gone so far and by what I know about her. Should I be looking for someone that is saved? I don’t know whether to pursue it or not. I want to be with the woman God wants me to be with and I don’t want to find one on my own. I don’t know whether to pursue it or not.

Answered on 04/28/06:

I think that’s what you need to focus on; is God the center of this relationship? And right now, it sounds like He’s not. And so, if this is a woman who you think, “Man, this is a woman I can’t let go. This is a woman who I don’t want to miss out this relationship. She has too many great qualities. She meets too many of the desires that I have in my heart and mind about what I’m looking for in a woman,” then you should sit down with her and you should say, “You’re the most important woman that I’ve ever met in my life and I want to continue our relationship but I can’t continue this if God is not at the center of it. Is there some reason why God is not at the center of your life?”

Just ask her. If she means that much to you and you mean that much to her, she’s going to want God to be in the center of her life. You can’t afford to build a relationship with somebody where God is not at the center of your relationship; at the center of her life and at the center of yours.

I wouldn’t pursue it much further until you know. I would certainly go ahead and ask the question of where she stands in her relationship with God and see what she tells you before you pursue it any further.

If she’s not, and she’s honest, you just need to lay it aside. If it’s not something that’s just beaming from her and if it’s not something that’s just flowing out of her, you don’t want somebody that’s just going to follow God as a convenience to you. You want somebody who really wants God at the center of her heart and at the center of her life.

So, I’d let it go if the spiritual side doesn’t materialize immediately. God will give you the right person at the right time when you’re seeking the Kingdom of God and His way of doing things.

Question:

How would I know if God didn’t want me to be married?

Answered on 04/12/06:

Will such people sometimes be tempted? I think all of us are going to be tempted sexually, physically – everybody’s tempted. But people who have a call to celibacy will find that temptation to be comparatively minor. And if other people think they might not be called to marriage, but in their heart and in their body and in their emotions, they have a strong desire to be married, then I would take that as an indication that God probably does want them to be married.

Question:

I’ve been serious with a girl, and recently I discovered that she is a virgin and is saving herself for marriage, which I fully support 100%. The thing is: I don’t want to marry a virgin. Sex is a very important part of a marriage, and I prefer to be with a girl who knows what she’s doing.

Answered on 04/12/06:

When a woman has kept herself for marriage, that is the greatest honor she can give you. Why would you want a woman who has been involved with other men – and who could later be involved with other men again?

It’s good for a man to have a wife who is a virgin. She’s not going to be a virgin after your wedding night; she will know what to do. God created men and women to know what to do during the act of sex. They don’t need to have been involved with other people to know what to do. They will know what to do instinctively and by educating themselves. She’ll want to learn what will please you, and you should want to know what will please her. If you are not going to get involved with somebody else after you get married to a woman, why would you want somebody who has been?

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t marry somebody who has had sex in the past. What I am saying is that God set marriage and sex up for both people to be virgins. You can get married after you’ve had sex in the past, but know that it was wrong . . . it didn’t contribute to you having a healthy marriage. It actually contributes to problems in marriage. That is why God wants to protect us from that, and that is why the Bible teaches us not to be involved in immorality.

Question:

Answered on 04/11/06:

Society is trying to tell you that you have to be married to be happy. That’s a lie. And the way that we know that’s a lie is because look at all the married people that are not happy. That ought to be enough proof. And the fact is, you were already married and you weren’t happy. The fact is that ought to be proof to everyone that the key to life is not marriage or singlehood; it’s inward contentment. And when you have inward contentment, that’s when you’re going to be happy, whether you’re single or married.

People that are married are going to have problems in their marriage because one or both people lack inward contentment. That’s more of a problem than marriage itself. The problems in marriage go away. You can overcome any problem in marriage. What you can’t overcome is staying unhappy on the inside of your soul. And when that changes, you’re free from people, free from needing people, free from feeling like if you don’t have somebody in your life, you’re never going to be happy. Well, that’s not true. Contentment has to come from your relationship with God. That doesn’t mean that you’re never going to get married.

Let’s replace the desire to get married with the desire to be fulfilled by God and once that comes to pass, then you’re in a healthy position to enter into a healthy relationship or you’re in a healthy position to exit an unhealthy relationship. Either way, God want s you to be healthy internally on their own. And that’s where most people are truly missing it and either co-dependent, like “I’ve got to have someone, I’ve got to have someone” or they’re just unhappy in whatever condition they’re in. Paul said, “I learned the secret of having lack or having abundance and that is being content.” Inward contentment in Christ Jesus is the key to a successful life for single women, for single mothers, for married mothers, for married women, for married men, for single men. That’s the key to a successful and happy life.

The million dollar question is how do we get to that place of complete in ward contentment? Go to the Online Bookstore section of our website at changinglives.org. We have a tape series called How to Be Happy All the Time. It will really bless you. As far as your children, you just love them, you train them, care for them. Draw close to the people that love you: family members, church members. Get in a good, healthy church and get connected to people that are in love with God and build some relationships. Be with the people that celebrate you, not with the people that tolerate you and you won’t need a husband. You won’t need the immorality that the world is trying to sell you. Draw close to good, pure, godly people.