Addictions

Addictions » Drugs

Question:

Answered on 04/14/06:

Once somebody has done everything they can to stay in that relationship and get that person help, if the person refuses to want to get help, then no, there’s no responsibility on that person’s part to stay in that relationship. I think it’s cruel for somebody to have to endure the addiction of somebody else. That person wants to stay addicted to something, then that person should stay addicted by themselves. Support that person to get that person help. Separation from that person may eventually get that person to get the help that they need if they really want help.

Question:

Could you be married to somebody that does drugs and still remain a Christian? I feel my sister is getting off track of her faith because of the problems of being married to somebody that does drugs. It seems like he is married to the drugs and not to her because he’s never there for her. The thing is, she believes that because she is a Christian, that her job is to take upon whatever God gives to her because she’s married to him and she owes responsibility to God because she took him.

Answered on 04/14/06:

Well, certainly, she shouldn’t stay in that relationship if he’s addicted to drugs and he’s not doing anything to change it. If he really recognizes that and wants to get help, she needs to help him get well. He doesn’t even have to try to get help from God, although God is the only one that’s ultimately going to be able to help him. But there are programs in place where people can get free from drug addictions and co-dependencies on drugs and those kinds of things.

So, yes, she needs to be able to have the freedom to move on with her life if he’s more married to drugs that he is to her. She’s got to release him. You’ve got to encourage her. 

She’s right that she needs to take on whatever God brings to her. But God didn’t put those drugs in that man’s life, the devil did. And therefore, she’s no longer responsible for something that he has yielded to the devil.

Drugs are dangerous. Drugs kill. Drugs destroy. What kind of environment is that to raise children in? Absolutely not. My advice to her would be move on with your life as a Christian. Let him know you love him and you’ll always be there for him and you’ll always be supportive of him, you’ll always pray for him and you’ll always welcome him back if he truly wants to get help, but if he doesn’t want to get help, she’s got to move on. She’s got to be bold.

Question:

My ex-wife is addicted to crack cocaine, and my kids and I have been praying for her. How do I get to the root of the problem?

Answered on 03/09/06:

All addiction is rooted in a lack of fellowship and a lack of closeness to God. As soon as you are addicted to the Lord Jesus Christ, you won’t be addicted to anything else. God created every one of us to be satisfied by Him. We should not look for our satisfaction or fulfillment some other way, but we need to make Him our love, our drug – make Him our best friend.

Philip said in John 14:8 to Jesus, “Lord, show us the Father, then we shall be satisfied.” When you are in the right relationship with your Heavenly Father, then you will be satisfied. That will take away the desire or need for other things to satisfy you. So, I encourage you to pray for your ex-wife to open her eyes and see that and to draw nearer to the Lord.

Addictions » Tobacco

Question:

Could you address smoking? Because people will tell you in a heartbeat, “Oh no, you’re going to hell.”

Answered on 04/07/06:

Are people going to hell because they’re smoking? No. But they’re going to smell like hell while they’re alive, if they smoke. But, no, smoking doesn’t send somebody to hell just like if I quit smoking that’s not going to send me to heaven. You can’t have it both ways. If smoking sends you to hell, then not smoking should send you to heaven. Well, neither of those is true. The thing that sends us to heaven is believing and accepting what Jesus did for us on the cross. Rejecting Jesus is what sends us to hell.

Now, what’s the problem? Why do people keep sinning then? Because our spirit is saved, our spirit is born again when we get saved. Our spirit is brand new. But our mind is still the same. And that’s why we need to renew our mind with the Word of God, and that will eventually change our behavior. It will change our actions. We’ll stop sinning when we awake to what God has done in our lives.

Addictions » Alcohol

Question:

Our Family holds Thanksgiving at different locations every year. The kids usually volunteer. We have 6 kids in our family. And this year, my sister-in-law volunteered but she said "no drinking." And I wanted to get your opinion about that. I got the job of telling the kids that there is no drinking of alcohol. And because of that, we have decided to change the location. Now she’s very offended and we are too a little bit, a little hurt. I already feel ashamed about my drinking to a certain extent and just wanted to get your thoughts because now our family is in a big uproar about this.

Answered on 03/09/06:

I appreciate your honesty and speaking plainly about your situation. Here’s the scripture that comes to me, “All things are lawful.” 1 Corinthians chapter 10 says, “All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable.” Romans chapter 14 says that if eating meat causes my brother to stumble, then I’m not going to eat meat.

So I think that in regards to drinking alcohol in our society in America, we kind of have to treat it in the same way that they treated eating meat in Romans chapter 14 and that is that if it’s something that offends somebody else or can cause somebody to stumble, it’s better to not do it. Now, over in Europe, if you go to Germany, everybody drinks. Kids drink. In Italy and in different places in Europe, it’s a part of their culture. Not to get drunk. It’s just what they drink. It’s what they do. It’s like drinking water.

So I think that we have to be sensitive to the fact that in our culture, alcohol is a point of contention for a lot of people. Therefore it’s better not to do it if it’s going to cause somebody to stumble. The other reason I think it’s not wise to do it is because people lack self-control. Therefore, it’s not one drink, it’s not two drinks, now it’s three or four and now they’re drunk and now the holiday becomes where emotions start flaring and alcohol can be a real negative contributor to a family gathering.

My take on it is, number one, it’s not going to send you to Hell if you drink. Number two, you shouldn’t get drunk because that’s excess and the Bible says, “Do not be drunk with wine, but be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Number three, if in your conscience, you and your husband believe that it’s okay to drink wine at dinner and things like that, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. On the surface, there’s nothing wrong with that. But if it’s going to cause problems in your family, it’s better to just step back and say, “You know what? If it’s going to cause any problems, then let’s not do it.” Always remove the stumbling blocks that are going to be in other people’s lives. That’s the best approach with things like that.

Question:

What does Scripture say about alcohol?

Answered on 03/09/06:

Alcohol is definitely addressed in Scripture. Proverbs 31 says that it’s not good for kings to drink wine. But Scripture says that Jesus drank wine and that Paul said to Timothy, “Have a little wine for your stomach.”

So how do we rationalize these apparent contradictions? Let’s start by one thing everybody can agree on: getting drunk, drinking to excess is not good. 1 Corinthians 6:12 says that all things are lawful for me but not all things are profitable. So is it lawful for me to drink wine? Yes. Is it legal biblically? Yes. But is it profitable for me? I’ve made up my mind for myself it is not profitable for me personally because it is a bad example to my wife, to my children, and to my congregation. So I choose to not drink alcohol. But clearly we all have to make up our minds.

If we are going to live by the Bible, we start with what we know is absolute – and that is God does not condone getting drunk. What does it take to get somebody drunk? Well, for some people it’s two to three drinks; for others it’s five or six. If you go over to Europe and you tell them not to drink any alcohol, they will laugh at you because in Germany and other areas, people – including Christians – drink beer like water. So what do you tell them? Do you tell them they are going to hell? No, because it’s not a heaven-or-hell issue; rather, it’s a profitability issue.

Does drinking alcohol produce profit for my life? Again for me personally, I choose not to have alcohol at all simply because of the bad example that it would set for my family and for the people I lead and the people I influence.

Question:

My husband became a Christian about 4 years ago. He is a good man and quit drinking about 2 years ago. I’m just not clear about something. From what I understand, when someone becomes a Christian, not that sin is eliminated, but repeated sin should probably not take place because I know there needs to be repentance. He partakes in using marijuana. And I know he’s convicted on it, but…

Answered on 03/09/06:

So, you are you wondering if he’s really a Christian and wondering how he can be free from the marijuana. The first thing is to address your concern that when a person becomes born again, shouldn’t they stop repeating sin? Sin doesn’t emerge from our spirit when we’re born again; sin emerges from our mind, our emotions and our body. So, when we’re saved or born again, our spirit, our heart is brand new, but our mind remains the same. Until our mind is brought in subjection to the Word of God and is changed, until our thoughts are replaced with God’s thoughts and we begin to think the way God thinks, you’re never going to be able to change the bad behavior in a person until they change the way they think.

When your husband changes the way he thinks, that will begin to change his behavior. You can’t get somebody to stop smoking just by telling them to “stop smoking because that’s sin and you’re going to hell and it’s going to destroy your life.” They already knew that it was sin. They already knew that it was hurting them and destroying their life. But what has to happen is that when they change the way they think about God, about themselves, and about what truly satisfies them, then they will change their behavior. So the answer to your question, “Can your husband still be a Christian even though he’s still smoking marijuana?” The answer is yes.

After I became a Christian, I kept smoking marijuana and kept drinking alcohol. But as I read my Bible and as I went to church and as I heard the Word of God and started to change the way that I thought, the habits began to break off of my life and they will do that for your husband as well. You can’t just stop something. You’ve got to fill up on the good and then you won’t be open to the bad any more. You’ve got to fill your body up or fill your mind up with the Word of God and then it’ll flush out the bad behavior of smoking and drinking and any other bad behavior that’s there. But as we feed on the Word of God, the Bible, that’s what produces the power to change our lives.

We hear people say, “Well, if he were a Christian, that wouldn’t happen because it’s repeated sin.” And if you were a Christian, you wouldn’t get mad at your husband sometimes. If you were a Christian, you wouldn’t yell sometimes. If you were a Christian, you wouldn’t yell at your children. I mean, we could go down the list of things we’re all guilty of. For your husband, it’s marijuana. For somebody else, it might be anger or a lustful thought that they keep having. But that doesn’t send us to hell. What sends us to hell is when we reject Jesus Christ as our Lord and savior and we say, “I don’t need the blood of Jesus. I can make it on my own.” That’s the thing that’s going to send people to hell, not the habits in our lives.

Now, I’m not saying that it’s good for him to continue to smoke marijuana. I’m not saying that. He’s going to reap what he sows. Obviously, that’s going to hurt his body, his mind, his family. That’s a harvest. He’s going to get a harvest from the seeds that he’s sowing. But he’s still saved if he believes that Jesus died for his sins and rose from the dead. But now, he needs to be changed and it starts by changing the way that he thinks. You guys got to continue to feed on the Word of God and get in a good church that teaches you the Word of God and then you’ll begin to see some things begin to change in his life. Encourage him and let him know you’re praying for him and let him know that we’re standing with him here as well.

Question:

My husband and I are in great financial difficulty, and I’ve been really in tune with you with really on what we seek, and I got your tape set “Framing Your World With Your Words.” I have been struggling with this because I am prophesying over myself and I am claiming to be a non-smoker. My health isn’t good. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and all that. But the Holy Spirit has been dealing with me to quit smoking, and I am really fighting with this because my flesh doesn’t want to. And it’s just eating at me, I’m feeling guilty and condemned over it. Would that stop our blessing from flowing into our lives because I haven’t given it up yet?

Answered on 03/09/06:

What a great question. Let me give you an answer that you probably weren’t expecting: the smoking is not what will keep you from the blessing, but the condemnation will. In other words, when our heart condemns us for the things that we’ve done wrong, then we don’t have confidence before God. 1 John 3 and 1 John 5 tells us that when we condemn ourselves and we feel condemned about what we’ve done wrong, then we don’t have confidence before God. And when we don’t have confidence before God, it stops the flow of blessing in our lives.

It’s not the smoking that stops the blessing, it’s the condemnation that comes from the smoking and the guilt that comes from the smoking that condemns your heart, breaks down your confidence and now you’re not able to truly believe God for those blessings to flow in your life.

So what do you do? Don’t fix the smoking first. First fix the condemnation and realize that in Christ Jesus there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Number two, once you realize you’re not condemned about the sin in your life, then you’ll be able to stop sinning. Jesus told the woman who was caught in adultery, he said, “Woman, who condemns you?” after they all dropped their rocks and left her alone and there she stood with Jesus. He said, “Who condemns you?” And what did the woman say? The woman said, “No one condemns me, Lord.” And what did Jesus say? He said, “Neither do I condemn you.” And then what did he say? “Go and sin no more.”

But listen, follow the order in which that happened. First, Jesus said, “I don’t condemn you.” Then he said, “Go and sin no more.” In other words, he shows us there that we can’t stop sinning until we realize that he doesn’t condemn us. And we’re not condemned, okay? You focus on that, meditate on those verses. And everything’s going to be all right.

Question:

My husband & I have been married almost 29 years and he has a drinking problem. I want to know how to pray. Is it a spiritual force?

Answered on 03/09/06:

Every time you go past a bar it says “Food and Spirits.” So, in one sense, alcohol can become a spiritual force, a spiritual stronghold. But it’s not necessarily that your husband is possessed by a demon or anything like that; it’s just that once he opens himself up to addiction, the addiction of alcohol, the addiction of drinking, then he is going to be under the control of that addiction. And what has to happen to know how to pray is you pray according to Matthew 18:19, “Whatsoever we bind on earth is bound in heaven and whatsoever we loose on earth is loosed in heaven.” So, what you have to do is bind the spiritual forces that are at work in your husband's life, bind the spiritual forces that are causing him to be under this addiction and get him help right away.

Get him some help. He’s got to be willing to get some help and to be open to some answers. He’s got to be open to getting some counseling. Find yourself some good, Christian counseling. First, I encourage you to start by getting counseling at your church. So, take your husband to your church and get some counseling there. And then, if that’s not getting him to where he needs to be and past that addiction, then what needs to happen is he needs to get some professional counseling.

But ultimately, the only miracle, the only way that somebody can be truly free from an addiction like that is through the power of the Holy Spirit. I know that God set me and other people around me free from the power of those addictions through the power of the Holy Spirit. It really takes the power of the Holy Spirit. It is the power of God. It’s not something that can happen in our own power. It’s not something that we can just decide today to snap our fingers and bam, we’re free from alcohol. You got to go to God. The Bible says, “Call upon the Lord and He will answer you.”

Another scripture for addictions and for overcoming addictions, you can use is 1 John 4:4, that “Greater is He that’s in you than he that’s in the world.” You’ve got to stand on those verses and trust the power of the Holy Spirit to come alive and be awakened inside of you and inside of your husband so that you don’t have to be under the control of that. “Do not be drunk with wine, but be filled with the Spirit.”

Holiness and being free from sin is not detaching ourselves from the wrong things as much as it is attaching ourselves to the right things. So, instead of focusing on the detaching yourself from what’s wrong, let’s focus on attaching yourself to what’s right. So, your husband needs to get attached to God, attached to the Holy Spirit, attached to the Word of God and then, you’re going to see amazing, amazing things happen in his life. As you become attached to the right things, you no longer need to be attached to the wrong things and you’ll eventually detach yourself from the wrong things. But that happens by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Question:

I’d like to know if you think it’s sinful behavior to smoke, like cigars or something like that or having an occasional drink. And if you do, where it mentions that in the Bible. I understand you’re not supposed to be a drunkard or get drunk, but…

Answered on 03/09/06:

Is it sinful to have an occasional drink? I don’t believe that it is. It might be for me, but it might not be for you. Because the Bible says, “if anyone wants to eat meat, then let them eat meat.” And don’t judge somebody because one person considers that it’s okay to eat meat and another person doesn’t. Clearly, the Bible teaches not to get drunk. Clearly, the Bible teaches that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. But at the same time, while it says that, it also says that Paul told Timothy to have a little wine for the ailing of his stomach.

Now, I’m not saying that everybody should be walking around going, “Oh, I got a stomachache, Oh, I got a stomachache, Oh, I’ve got to have a drink.” But you know, there is nothing in the Bible that forbids ever having a drink. Except that it’s not good for an elder to drink, the Bible says. Some believe that it’s okay, but I don’t believe that it is.

As far as smoking a cigar, the Bible says your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Glorify God in your body. If you think that that’s something that glorifies God, then by all means, do it. If you don’t think it is something that glorifies God, don’t. You’re certainly not going to go to hell if you smoke a cigar. But I don’t know if that’s going to be healthy for you. And that’s what you need to look at as well. These kinds of things that are not habits in your life are not going to determine your salvation. They’re not going to take God out of your life, but you need to be the one that in your conscience and in your study of the Bible to decide that for yourself.

Addictions » Pornography

Question:

I’ve been battling with masturbation. And from time to time I’ll go on the internet and I’ll just be looking up stuff for this and that and something will come across and I’ll just click it on. And I just keep on going further and further to the point where I just keep on masturbating. The thing that’s hurting me is I know I’m not supposed to do it, but I keep on doing it and I don’t want to do it anymore, but I keep on doing it. And I just don’t want God to think that I enjoy doing this. It’s something that I’m fighting; it’s not something that I’m encouraging. I don’t want to do it anymore.

Answered on 04/12/06:

First of all, I want to let you know that I’m proud of you for being honest and being transparent and open. I understand. And God knows what you’re dealing with. That’s the first thing that you need to know. He’s not mad at you. He’s not upset. He’s not surprised. He’s not shocked. He’s not like, “Oh my God; how could he do this?” He knows what you’ve done. He knows what you’re struggling with. And He know that there are thousands of men listening right now, thousands of men, millions of men around the world who are struggling with the same thing and many of them are not honest about it like you are. So that’s the first key to anything is to be honest and transparent about it.

The second thing that I want you to understand is that you’re no different than Paul the Apostle. You’re in good company because Paul the Apostle says in Romans chapter 7, “The thing that I don’t want to do, I end up doing. And the thing I want to do, I end up not being able to do. So, now what do I do?” And that’s basically what Romans chapters 6 and 7 are all about.

The good news is that Romans chapter 6 & 7 is not the end of the book of Romans; it goes on to chapter 8. And chapter 8 is where the victory is. It’s where the Promised Land is, it’s where you’re going to find your sense of victory. I want to encourage you to read chapters 7 & 8 of Romans.

First of all, you’ve got to take the pressure off of yourself. God’s not going to judge you and God’s not mad at you. So, first take the pressure off. Secondly, you’ve got to be honest, which you’ve done. Thirdly, you have to recognize that you’re not alone, that you’re not the only one dealing with the thing you’re dealing with. Paul the Apostle had struggles with sin and temptation – maybe not the same ones you’re dealing with. And even though Jesus never sinned, the Bible says we have a High Priest who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. So, those are the first things of importance that I need to share with you.

Now, here are six simple steps to break free from lust and break the addiction to masturbation or any sexual sin.

Number one, you must be honest to God about your situation. You’ve got to go to Him. Psalm chapter 32 says, “When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away as with the fever heat of summer. So, number one, we’ve got to be honest with God, admit it God, and admit it to yourself.

Number two; pour your heart out to God. Tell Him how much you want to do this but you don’t want to do it. How tempting it is but how you know it’s wrong. Tell Him. Be honest. Don’t say, “Oh Lord, I never want to do this again. I never want to do this again.” That’s a lie. You know you want to do it again. People do want to sin again. And we need to be honest and not pretend that we don’t really want to do it when in our minds and in our flesh, we really do. Our heart doesn’t want to sin, but our flesh does. And we need to pour our heart out to God and say, “Lord, I’m struggling. I’ve wanted to do this and I don’t want to do it. I’m confused. I’m caught in the middle and I need help. And pour your heart out to God and ask for help. Hebrews 4:15-16.

Number three; meditate on the Word of God. Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young man remain pure, sexually pure?” And then the answer is, “by keeping his way according to the Word of God.” So, we have to meditate on the Word, meditate on the Word, meditate on the Word. And we will be able to remain pure as we think of the Word, as we read the Word, as we speak the Word out of our mouth.

Number four, take communion. People say, “Well, I can’t take communion until I get rid of this sin.” No, take communion and say, “Lord, I am taking communion because when I drink this cup, I am drinking the blood of Jesus that will deliver me from this lust. I am believing that the blood of Jesus is enough to cleanse me and to set me free from the power of this lust – whether its masturbation or lust or pornography, whatever it is. I believe, Lord, that when I take communion, You’re going to set me free.” Most people will tell you that you have to stop sinning before you take communion, but that’s not true. You have to take communion and say, “Lord, I believe your blood is worthy enough to deliver me from this sin.”

Number five, stop condemning yourself. You have to get out of the habit of beating yourself up when you stumble. You go to God, you confess it to Him and He’ll cleanse you and wash you from it, but don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re going to find that that step alone will set you more free than you ever thought you could be before.

And number six, have someone in your church hold you accountable. Find somebody that you can trust in your church – one of the pastors, one of the elders, one of the department leaders that you can trust – and have them hold you accountable on a regular basis, not just once in a while. Tell them, “Look, I’m struggling with this and I want you to ask me every three or four days how I’m doing in this area and I’m going to be honest with you.” You follow those 6 steps and you will be well on your path to freedom. This is the way out.

Question:

Is it good for married couples to watch porn?

Answered on 04/11/06:

No. I don’t believe it is good for anybody to watch pornography. Pornography is a spiritual force of lust and sexual sin. Is it okay for men and women to study godly, biblical books on having a better sex life? Absolutely. But they should do it in a controlled environment where it will not lead them to temptation other than to be involved with each other.Pornography is wicked and will open the door to so many other sins. It will open the door to greed, selfishness, anger, putting demands on the other person and unrealistic expectations that they are not able to fulfill. So no, I don’t endorse that ever in any situation.

Question:

I have a 14 year old son and I’ve been finding pornography magazines. And I’ve approached him with it and I’ve told him that if he needs to talk to me to please talk to me. And I asked him where he got it from and he told me his friends, so I see that he’s just under peer pressure. He’s a Freshman in HS. He’s very popular and so I want to keep that open communication because we have such a great relationship. And I understand teenagers become rebellious and I just want to be able to grasp and get his attention and keep him focused before I lose him.

Answered on 03/09/06:

He’s your son. You’re not going to lose him. He’s your son. And you need to exercise your love and your authority in his life. Don’t ask him if he needs to talk to you. He does need to talk to you. And you need to insist upon that. “We’re going to talk. We’re going to work it out. We’ve talked through everything up to this point and we’re not going to stop now. I know that every boy deals with that. Every young man has a battle in lust and in even pornography tries to come to every man.” And you got to just tell him, “I want to be real with you. And I want you to be real with me. And I want to get you some encouragement and if you need some other godly men that we can get involved in the situation.”

Sometimes a boy like that needs a “Big Brother,” somebody in a church that you go to that can say, “Hey, I know what you’re going through, man. Let me walk you through it.” He doesn’t need to be condemned right now because he’s obviously embarrassed and ashamed. He wants to blame it on his friends, but he knows he’s guilty. And what you need to do is say, “Look, I know you did this and I know that all boys struggle with this and I want to walk you through it and I want to get some other godly men in our lives that can help walk you through this but we’re going to talk this out. And I’m not going to lose you over this and you’re not going to lose me. I don’t judge you. I don’t condemn you. I’m not mad at you. I’ll only be mad at you if you stay silent and you don’t want to talk about it.” And that’s the kind of conversation that you need to have with him. Does that help? I’m expecting you to do that.

Question:

I’ve been dating a guy for a while. I’m in my 30’s and we’re getting pretty serious. The other day, I found out that he has pornography in his bedroom. And he’s a Christian as well as I am. We go to church together. He told me that he would throw it away. I don’t know why I am so angry and so hurt. And I really don’t know how to deal with it, how to approach him with it. I didn’t throw a lot of anger at him and I was very adult about it and understanding, but I’m comparing myself to these women and I am then hurting myself with this, so then part of this is my issue as well. I’m not confident right now, but I know that there is a lot more to our relationship than that. But, I’m doing this talk to myself that "He doesn’t go out and gamble and he’s not at strip clubs and he’s not doing this and he’s not doing that."

Answered on 03/09/06:

Well, you have approached him with it already and he said that he would throw it away. But there’s something deeper than just throwing it away that is going to need to be addressed in his life. Now, there are a lot of men that have a problem with pornography. Most men have a problem with lust in one way or another or at least most men are tempted with lust. I don’t know anyone that’s not, except a dead man, that’s not tempted with it.

But here’s the point. It’s not for you to criticize him over this matter, but it is for you to make sure that you’re comfortable with where he’s at in this area of his life before you get any further in this relationship.

So what I would do is, if you guys are serious in your relationship, I would get some pre-premarital counseling and talk about this issue with a godly Christian counselor that you could find that would teach you and teach him about how to deal with this and how to overcome it. And also how to communicate about this subject and how to make sure that the protection is in place for you. You cannot go into a marriage with knowing that there’s an issue and knowing that there’s a problem and not being confident that it is dealt with.

That’s why so many people get into marriages that they later regret because they didn’t investigate thoroughly; they didn’t study the situation enough. They were caught up in love and caught up in the fantasy-life that never became a reality and they were disappointed. So, don’t marry him until you are confident that this is not just an area that he “throws away” by throwing away the pornography, but an area that he has dealt with that weakness in his life and addressed it in his heart.

But that’s not something that you should have to compare yourself to because it’s unrealistic to compare yourself to somebody who, with all the right lighting and all the right photography, is always going to look better than you. You’re looking at them at their best and you’re comparing them to you at your worst. And it’s just an unfair and unrealistic comparison. And it’s not something that you need to be subjected to.

And again, he needs to love you for much more of a reason that just because he’s attracted to you physically. There has to be more. There has to, there has to, there has to, there has to. There has to be such an emotional and spiritual drawing together that can never be broken. That’s the only solution to prettier women is that what draws him to you is not just how you look, and not that you should be a slouch when it comes to that area. You need to take care of yourself in the best possible manner that you can. But you need to also have confidence that he loves you for more than that. And you’re not confident in that right now.

You're just rationalizing because what starts as pornography can become later, something that’s much worse. Everything begins as a seed and can produce a harvest. And so, yes, right now he’s not going to strip clubs, but 5 years from now, he might. And I’m not saying that you should come to that conclusion and be afraid, but I’m saying you should obtain counseling so that the two of you have the confidence that this is an area of his life that is dealt with at the root level, not just at the fruit level. Do that and I believe you’ll really be blessed.

Question:

I’ve been struggling all my life. My marriage is not doing well at all. I have had no kind of sexual relationship with my wife for 7 years. And during that time, I became really addicted to porn sites. And all of a sudden, one of my good friends who is a pastor like yourself told me that going to porn sites is going against God. I want to know if that’s true or not. We haven't had sex in 7 years because after our last child was born, she refuses to have sexual relations with me. I have sexual feelings and that’s why I turned into that site. But now, in the last year or so, I’ve give up all that because of my best friend. Because of my best friend, I turned towards the Bible and I’m trying to be more and more just like you said, to get the Holy Spirit to be with me.

Answered on 03/09/06:

First of all, I’m going to stand with you because God doesn’t want you to be in bondage to anything. He doesn’t want you to be in bondage to porn sites. He doesn’t want you to be in bondage to gambling. He doesn’t want you to be in bondage to a bad marriage either for that matter. He want you to be free. So, it’s not so much “is it wrong in God’s sight?” although the religious answer, the Christian answer is yes, it’s wrong to be going to porn sites.

But, I deal with reality. I like to deal with the root. In other words, what is causing you to feel the need to go to those porn sites? We've got to deal with the root because if we don’t get to the root, then we can tell you “stop doing this” and “stop doing that” but that won’t change you. That won’t fix the problem.

We need to get to the root of what is causing you to need to get into looking at that pornography. God wants you to be free from it, but you need to know why it’s so bad for you before you can truly change. And the reason it’s so bad is because it plants seeds in your heart. Whenever a seed is planted, it’s going to produce a harvest. So we need to make sure that we don’t allow things into our eyes and into our ears that are going to hurt us and that are going to plant bad seeds that are going to produce a bad harvest in our lives.

So that’s why it’s not advisable to get into pornography and those kinds of things. Also it defiles who you truly are because it lowers your self-esteem, it lowers your sense of self-worth. You feel less powerful when you give into that. You know what I’m talking about. You probably feel weak afterwards and you probably feel ashamed and you probably feel guilty. And God doesn’t want you to live with those feelings.

So, what you need to do is you need to get with your wife and you guys should get some marriage counseling because no marriage should be without sex for 7 years. No marriage should be without sex for 7 weeks. No marriage should be without sex for 7 days for that matter. But we need to realize that it’s a part of the health in a marriage. It’s not the only thing, but it certainly is a part of it.

Here’s the thing. Feed on the Word. Fill yourself up with God, fill yourself up with the Holy Spirit, fill yourself up with the Bible and then you’ll find the need to do those other things to be less and less. However, you need to get help immediately for your marriage because your marriage is dead right now if you haven’t been sexually involved for 7 years. Your marriage is dead. You need some counseling and your wife needs to be told and talked to so that she can overcome the fears in her life and the damage that is in her soul that has caused her to not want to have sex with you.

And you need to get healed from the damage of your soul as well and that is what good, Christian counseling can give you. So, seek out some counseling and let’s get started on that. Tell your wife, “We can’t continue this way any longer. We have to get help. We have to get this fixed.” And if she’s not open to that, call me back and we’ll talk about your next steps.

Addictions » Gambling

Question:

Is there scripture in the Bible to back the fact that gambling is wrong?

Answered on 03/09/06:

I think that the best answer that I can give you is the teachings that Jesus gives us throughout the gospel in Luke chapter 16, Matthew chapter 25 where He teaches us about stewardship. God gives us what He gives us and we will be held accountable for what we did with what He gave us. Gambling isn’t the only thing that is poor stewardship. There are other things that God would probably consider to be poor uses of our resources and our talents and our gifts. So, I think that you have to be an individual priest before the Lord and you have to be able to hear from God to know what is best for you.

But the fact is that the people that put Jesus on the cross also gambled for His clothing and that was certainly not something that Jesus honored. It was certainly not something that God honored. And so, we can certainly use that as an illustration of how gambling creates bad motives, it creates greed, it opens us up to greed and lust and it opens us up to obtaining things in a way that is different than how God told us to obtain them. He said in Proverbs, maybe in chapter 21 or chapter 22, “An inheritance gained quickly will come to ruin.” Look up in a concordance all the scriptures about inheritance and you’ll find it. He said that we should be faithful with the little things and then He’ll put us in charge over much in Luke chapter 16. So, there’s something about being faithful and being a good steward and not putting our money in positions that put it at risk to luck, to chance when God told us to make decisions that are responsible and that are healthy.

So I think that all of those scriptures that I’ve gone over are where we gather the principle that gambling is wrong. Anything that can become an addiction is probably something that we should avoid: drugs can become an addiction - it’s probably advisable not to do any of them; alcohol can become and addiction – it’s probably advisable not to do any of them. There are certainly things that can become addictions that are not necessarily bad if they’re in moderation, but gambling is not one of them. I don’t think that gambling is healthy or appropriate use of our money or our time. But, it’s not going to send somebody to hell

Question:

Is it okay to play the lottery?

Answered on 03/09/06:

Is it a sin to play the lottery? I don’t find in the Bible where it’s necessarily defined as a sin, or gambling is defined as a sin. But gambling is a form of man’s way of hoping that he can get lucky and it shows that people are not putting their trust in God and in God’s way of doing things. God has a way of doing things.

It’s kind of like in the movie Bruce Almighty and everybody’s prayer request was to win the lottery. And Bruce Almighty, who was now empowered with the abilities of God, he answered yes to all of their prayer requests and so everybody won. And when everybody won, they only won ten dollars or three dollars or something like that. Nobody really benefited from it. If God got involved in the lottery, if somebody says, “Well, I believe God gave me those numbers, and that’s why I bet on them.” Well, then, since God is no respecter of persons, God would have to give those same numbers to everybody else who asked Him and therefore, nobody would end up winning and we’d all just end up with the same amount of money that we started with.

So, I’d keep my money and I’d invest it into the kingdom of God and I’d invest it into good investments that are healthy and wholesome where you can buy into some of the dividends and the profits.

The difference between gambling and investing in the stock market or in real estate is if you invest in a company through the stock market, you’re buying into the profit sharing of their success. As long as they’re successful, you’re successful. But when it comes to gambling, you’re not buying into the profits of that casino. They’re not sharing a percentage of the profits with you based on your shares or based on how much stock you have. You only win as a matter of luck and everybody eventually loses. That’s why those casinos cost billions of dollars and they’re paid for because they’re using all of the money of the people who gambled. I don’t believe in that and so, no, I don’t encourage that at all.

Question:

I understand that gambling is unbiblical. Is investing in the stock market considered gambling?

Answered on 03/09/06:

Is investing in the stock market considered gambling, like the lottery or casinos? That’s a great question because so many people wonder, first of all, is it OK to gamble? I don’t ever believe that throwing away money is a good thing, and you’re always going to throw away money with gambling. After all, there wouldn’t be so many nice casinos if they didn’t make all the money. There’s a reason they’ve got marble floors in those places! There’s a reason they can build two-billion-dollar casinos in Las Vegas. Because the house always wins! Now, certainly a few people win sometimes, but it’s all a matter of luck. And luck really comes from the word Lucifer. So if you want to line up with him, then get yourself to Las Vegas as soon as you can.

Christianity is not about luck. It’s about making quality decisions that God has promised will produce quality results. The Bible says in Deuteronomy 30, “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life.” Life and blessing come through making the right choices, not from gambling.

Having said that, let’s address the stock market for a minute. The stock market, which is an investment, and gambling are two different things. An investment is when you give a company money and say, “Use this money to advance the purposes of the values of the company that you represent. If my investment and your decisions work for your company’s advantage, they’re going to also work to my advantage.” In other words, if the company wins, you win, too, because you share in the profits of that company, and that’s what makes it a good investment.

Obviously, there are companies that are very speculative, but if you do your homework and find out who makes the decisions for that company, what kind of decisions they’ve made in the past, and whether they have a good track record, then that is a sound investment. Why? Because you are investing into the way they operate as a business and you are investing into their product. And you’re going to get a return on that investment as they succeed and prosper. That’s why the stock market is completely distinctly different from gambling.

In gambling, you never participate in the winnings of the casino. They win it all, and if you get lucky, you win some, but usually you don’t win. Usually you lose and it feeds into addictions – gambling feeds into people who are desperate and are using their money in a poor way.

Is it a sin to gamble ever? It’s not necessarily always a sin to gamble, but it’s a sin to be a poor steward of your money. I’d rather sow my seed into changing people’s lives, not making rich people richer by building casinos and taking advantage of poor people who go and spend their welfare checks on gambling. So, dissuade your relatives from gambling at casinos. Encourage them to stay away from that kind of stuff, and it will really be a better investment.